Just So You Know ...Grief Notes
May 15 2018
The one thing that most people never realizes until it happens to them is that after your husband dies suddenly, it takes awhile to catch up with it all, if you ever do catch up.
For instance, my husband, Clyde, whom I married at 15 as a virgin, by the way, he was a virgin also,
and the years we had together, 55 married, and two years dating, (since he was 16 and I was 13 when we met, died on November 7, 2016 in my presence and suddenly. He fell back to the floor and was dead even though a medical team worked with him for 30 minutes or more.
All of that takes quite a toll on someone's' psyche, and to compensate, the brain starts feeding itself some nulling drug so you can actually function through the funeral and the coming months. The drug more than likely is something that is placed there for trauma victims and those survivors of those who face sudden death. It could even be why:
The one thing that most people never realizes until it happens to them is that after your husband dies suddenly, it takes awhile to catch up with it all, if you ever do catch up.
For instance, my husband, Clyde, whom I married at 15 as a virgin, by the way, he was a virgin also,
and the years we had together, 55 married, and two years dating, (since he was 16 and I was 13 when we met, died on November 7, 2016 in my presence and suddenly. He fell back to the floor and was dead even though a medical team worked with him for 30 minutes or more.
All of that takes quite a toll on someone's' psyche, and to compensate, the brain starts feeding itself some nulling drug so you can actually function through the funeral and the coming months. The drug more than likely is something that is placed there for trauma victims and those survivors of those who face sudden death. It could even be why:
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
(and it makes so much sense in times like those because otherwise if we realized at the moment what was ahead for us, our brain would be in overload and probably fizz out totally.)
Nonetheless, gradually, the brain begins to feed you the reality of what life changes have occurred and you slowly begin to allow them to enter into your psyche, painfully, I might add.
People do not understand what you are feeling, what you are experiencing, and besides, they don't want to because on some level, they know it could happen to them and they just don't want to go there. Which is okay. I used to be one of those.
I think of all the funerals I have attended in my 50 years of ministry and looking back, I know I didn't want to go there. I thought I could sympathize, holding their hand, saying a prayer, but I had no clue.
The grief process takes its own journey. It goes the way it wants according to how your brain can process it bit by bit. That is why today, I was so surprised when my brain allowed me to go into Clyde's closet. I often go in there, because his clothes and his books speak a lifetime to me.
But today I went in there with purpose, Somehow I knew it was time to clear a small section of his closet of pants. I went through the pants that did not speak to me and set them aside. I kept the ones that were saying, " don't you dare set me aside".
Then, I went through the pockets of the pants that I had cleared. By that time my heartrate was up to the point that if I allowed myself, I probably would have hyperventilated. I found nothing in the pockets of all those pants, except, coins that he had placed in one of the pockets of a pair of pants. I managed to do all of that without screaming, but it was difficult to breathe. I turned the coins around in my hand, knowing that he was the last one to touch the coins. His precious hands that I can still remember every part of and remember every touch that came from them.
Just so you know...
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