Awaiting
After three years of adjusting and managing the death of my lifelong mate I had ( since I was 13) I had finally come to terms that this is what my life would be without him. His death took my breath for about three years. I was someplace breathing air, but it did not feel like life.
I had worked very hard to grieve healthily and feel I did and I am. It will always be a continual process for us to expand our brain into believing that anything can be normal again after the loss of someone you love and have loved since a young teenager.
I could make humorous remarks about my husband's exit, he always wanted to leave events early and had little patience with lingering after an acceptable time at an event. I was a lingerer and often wanted to socialize or talk with someone particularly. We eventually sometimes chose to drive different vehicles to events, but he most always exited early. He did this when he died also. He died in the middle of a sentence to me. I was totally unaware that death was in him the instant he died of an aortic dissection, he did no fanfare on leaving this planet, he simply exited.
My children and I have said to each other, " He got out just in time"! The reason we have said this. our family has faced many challenges before he left and since he left. One of my daughters said to me,
"I am glad Dad does not have to face this"!
After seeing my mother live to be 91 and her struggle to keep going even when her body was breaking down physically, I saw first hand the blessing in dying before suffering, dying while the smile is still in your eyes, as I heard someone say. I am thankful that I never saw my husband suffering, because he would not have been a good candidate for that, but I would like to have said one last goodbye.
There are worse things than physical deaths. There are living deaths. Our planet suffers with those who are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, mental illnesses, children suffering as a result of parents who are addicted and/or irresponsible, financial disasters, financial lack, stressors from jobs that pay well but kill early, a society that responds to monetary success but is prejudiced toward obesity, addiction, poverty, people who are beautiful, and people who are not beautiful, people who are different, people with physical challenges, and people of color.
We are in a country of materialism, religious ambiguities, religious hypocrisies, religious political systems, governmental divisions and globally countries who oppress the people through government.
I can always see the good things as well. The love of family, the blessings of God, the provision of God, but I am constantly aware that believers in Jesus Christ must touch Him and intercede for the maladies and the hurting people on our planet. If the intercessors are not interceding and we let the darkness crowd the planet we have neglected to do what our mission on earth was for.
We definitely are not here to look pretty, smell good, and look down our nose at suffering humanity that is caught up in the filthiness of addiction and the killing of the soul of humans as a result of the things I listed above. Will the church be held responsible if we do not push back the darkness through intercession? Hmmm...
Awaiting, yes awaiting. Awaiting the time and the moments when I feel I can cry out to God because I feel Him tugging on my heart to intercede, but also awaiting the time and the moment when I make a move to intercede when God is silent. It is definitely us, the intercessors that must move toward God to push back the darkness so the light will shine brightly! Each intercessor must awake now!
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