Between The Sheets

Sheets have never been a particular topic that I cared to discuss with anyone.  I mean, sheets are sheets.  One sleeps on them, launders them, puts them on a mattress; they are just sheets, nothing more. I have begun to realize that even our sheets can become a complex matter if you are actually trying to shop for them.  I can remember a time when a sheet was sheet was a sheet.  You could buy them in colors, or you could buy them white.  I even remember a time when the fitted ones all came in twin, double, queen, or king sizes.  Sheets were not a major matter to contemplate. 

It occurred to me as time went on, that the market place was filling up with sheets that only tried to confuse me.  I knew the size of my mattress, it was a queen sized one.  But then gradually shopping for new sheets became a thing of wonder.  I usually ended up going home and sleeping on the same old sheets even when I bought a new mattress because I was no longer sheet savvy. 

Did I buy 200 thread count or 1000?  Were they to be percale or sateen?  And what kind of cotton would they be?  Would they be combed or brushed?  After leaving the store upteem times because I didn't know how high my mattress was,( was it 18" or was it just a deep fit?),  I finally got fed up because the sheets I was sleeping on had little curled up balls of fuzz on them. I had to wash those things so many times, they screamed at me when I threw them in the washing machine one more time.

One day, I was determined, today is the day!  Today I will come home with sheets!  I decided to go in the store, close my eyes and buy sheets.  I knew I had a queen mattress, I knew I would need a deep fit sheet for the fitted sheet.  Good, now all I had to do was find that and then just pick up a set of sheets.  When I walked into Tuesday Mornings to buy them (after all, I wanted good sheets), I learned that those folks are serious about sheets.  In fact, when I looked at the price of sheets, I could remember when my vacations cost less than those sheets did.  I walked out of the store one more time.  I am home before I know it, drowning my nubbed sheets one more time no matter how loud they screamed. 

After sleeping on them once again until I knew it was laundry time, I had a great idea.  I will study sheets.  I took a crash course on sheets and discovered many things.  The first thing I learned was, it was a good thing I didn't just buy any sheet. I probably would have gone to hell or something.  There is a definite way to buy a sheet.  There are many things you have to take into consideration.   I knew in my heart no other man or woman on the face of the earth had studied or taken a course on sheet buying.  I felt really privileged and knew that perhaps someone somewhere would recognize that I was the first woman in history to take a course on sheet buying.

In case you are perplexed about sheet buying and you are now washing your same sheets that have worn to a thin film that you sleep on, I will be glad to condense my knowledge in laymens terms that you too may know how to buy sheets.  You may send a check if you feel compelled.

First, there are percale and sateen sheets.  Two different kinds.  That is simple so far.  I will describe them for you.  A percale is a flat weave and is crisper.  If you like a crisp feel to your sheet this is it.

Next, the sateen sheet is smoother and softer.  If you like a soft feel against your body then this is the sheet for you.  I will not discuss the silk sheet because there are so many of those on the market that are not truly silk.  Just stay away from those until you take the course.

Secondly, you have to decide on the kind of cotton you want.  It will usually say combed cotton.   Combed cotton means just that, a cleaning process.  It eliminates impurites from the cotton and those short less desirable fibers.  Ha!  Wouldn't you like to be the one sitting and combing cotton all day?  A worthy job, but oh my, combing cotton? 

Then I discovered, there are not only percale and sateen finishes, then there is muslin, percale, pima or supima fabrics.  Muslin is considered to be low end of the cotton spectrum, you may want to steer clear of these, as they tend to be one rough and tough sheet.  They are generally used in children's character theme bedding. (So what do we do here, torture our kids with the bad sheets?  Give me a break! What about a sticker on our car," Stop child abuse! Buy Percale!").
 Percale, is a smooth, flat, closely woven and combed fabric and comes in 100 percent cotton or 50/50 cotton poly blends.  It is finer than muslin and  usually has a lower count around 180 to 200.  Sateen usually has a higher count, 400 is serviceable.

 Pima and supima are a high quality cotton whose long fiber stable is similar to Egyptian cotton. The difference is geographical.  Pima is grown in the southwestern United States and Egyptian cotton is grown along the Nile River.  Supima is made from extra long stable Pima. It is the elite Pima! These have a soft feel and are very desirable bedding.  You can expect to find them in thread counts from 200 to 300.  So, if it is important to you to sleep on a product from the Nile then, go for it, but more than likely, it will cost you much more and is no higher quality.

Which  brings us to thread counts.  Simply put, this is the number of threads per square inch.  Hold the sheet up to the light, if you can see through the fabric and make out the actual weave, you've got a low thread count on your hands.  The higher the thread count, the softer and more lustrous the fabric, and the more durable and less prone to shrinkage.  That is generally speaking.  You can have a high thread count and have poor grade cotton and you still don't have a quality sheet. Like I said, there is more to sheet buying than meets the eye!

Not all sheets are created equal.  So, before you take a second mortgage for 400 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets at $500 a pop, take heed!  Don't get fleeced!  If a designer sheet is made of Pima cotton with a thread count of 300, it is not different than a store brand 300 thread count Pima cotton for $150.  So, don't be afraid to buy if you know what you are buying.  It will save you some bucks! 

Also, buy American made and save!  European sheets and sheets from other countries have import duties and other fees and can quadruple the price of imported white goods. 

Let's also talk about fit and strength.  Fit is important to keep you tucked in.  You don't want to be sliding all over your new mattress!  Measure everything about your mattress before buying sheets.  Buy the sheets an inch or two higher to allow for some shrinkage.  Also, boxer short elastic around the fitted bottom sheet makes a good fit. Strength simply means pulling on the seams and they do not tear. 

Another good tip is to rotate your sheets and they will last longer.  Once a week rotation should keep your sheets looking and feeling good for 11-15 years.  Keep your receipts! 

Now just get between your sheets you just purchased after this crash course and sleep knowing you must be the only person alive who knows how to buy sheets!