The Silver Bucket of Pain
Around 1999, my husband had some surgery in a doctor's office in Savannah. After the surgery, he was to keep ice packs on the stitches to get down the swelling. We had planned to stay in Savannah for a few days and for some reason, I saw him carrying around this silver bucket when we would leave the hotel. I asked him, "Why do you have the silver ice bucket my mother gave us for our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary?" He said, "I knew I was supposed to have ice handy after the surgery and I couldn't find anything else to put ice in". He dropped it soon after the surgery and broke off the silver handle and also dented the bucket up all around it. I was not too happy.
For some reason I began to think about that silver bucket a few days ago, which I still have and which I still polish faithfully, and I had some thoughts connected to that bucket concerning what we do with our pain many times. I am speaking about our emotional pains.
I have found myself and others, many others, especially in my therapy practice, that carry their pain in a silver bucket. They want it to be as beautiful and comfortable as it can be because it becomes so much a part of their life. They nurture their pain, they relive their pain, they cause themselves chaos just to produce fresh pain; their pain becomes so much a part of them they do not know who they are separate from the pain; their pain becomes who they are.
If you talk to people who are stuck in a time and place in their pain, they will most always bring you back to their pain. It may be death, a divorce, a broken relationship, a heartbreak, a disappointment, a tragedy, a trauma, a natural disaster, financial ruin, or just plain non-acceptance, abandonment, or rejection by others.
They find their silver bucket and carry that around with them much like my husband carried around our silver bucket. Each time they get a fresh new hurt they add it to the bucket. After awhile, and after many painful things have been placed in the bucket, the bucket becomes dented, broken, and almost unusable. They become the sum of all their pain. The silver bucket looks ugly and does not shine any longer; the bucket becomes so ugly no one wants to be around the bucket, they do no want to look at the bucket, or use the bucket because they have tried to fix the bucket before but without success. They find that the bucket wants to stay broken and useless. The very thing the bucket was designed for, to be a service to others, is totally out of the question. The bucket realizes this, the bucket never wanted this, but the bucket does not know what to do.
When our silver bucket of pain faces decision, it will most always close its' lid and go back to what it knows. That is when the blaming, self-absorption, and anger is added to the facade of the silver bucket. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy because the bucket now believes it is not responsible for its' own condition. It is easy now to lay blame on others, both personal relationships and family relationships, or, the bucket may focus its' blame on systems such as schools, governments, jobs, or careers. The bucket has closed its' lid and locked the pain inside itself, put a new front on, and renames itself victim. It is trapped now into being who it is because of the actions or non-actions of others and/or systems. It makes sense to the bucket because it no longer feels anything but anger.
This is an opportune time for the bucket to open itself once again, to deal with its' pain, lay aside the blaming routine and change its' image from victim to victor. The way it does that is to make a decision, "I am not, will not, cannot, and shall not be a dented, broken, useless bucket any longer". It is also an opportune time to find the path, journey, walk, method, and principle to be the bucket our creator designed us to be. It takes letting go, yes, but it takes more than that. It takes a determination, motivation, and a faith in our maker that will give us the strength, self-will, and courage to go outside our self to re-frame all the dents and brokenness. Re-framing will require putting our journey into perspective and realizing that we are a silver bucket, dents, broken handle and all, but we are indeed a thing of beauty designed for service and self-less living and good will. It will require feeling our pain, processing our pain, but not closing the lid on
our pain. It will require translucence and clarity about who we are and what our purpose is. That will require a constant polishing.
Shine, bucket, shine!
For some reason I began to think about that silver bucket a few days ago, which I still have and which I still polish faithfully, and I had some thoughts connected to that bucket concerning what we do with our pain many times. I am speaking about our emotional pains.
I have found myself and others, many others, especially in my therapy practice, that carry their pain in a silver bucket. They want it to be as beautiful and comfortable as it can be because it becomes so much a part of their life. They nurture their pain, they relive their pain, they cause themselves chaos just to produce fresh pain; their pain becomes so much a part of them they do not know who they are separate from the pain; their pain becomes who they are.
If you talk to people who are stuck in a time and place in their pain, they will most always bring you back to their pain. It may be death, a divorce, a broken relationship, a heartbreak, a disappointment, a tragedy, a trauma, a natural disaster, financial ruin, or just plain non-acceptance, abandonment, or rejection by others.
They find their silver bucket and carry that around with them much like my husband carried around our silver bucket. Each time they get a fresh new hurt they add it to the bucket. After awhile, and after many painful things have been placed in the bucket, the bucket becomes dented, broken, and almost unusable. They become the sum of all their pain. The silver bucket looks ugly and does not shine any longer; the bucket becomes so ugly no one wants to be around the bucket, they do no want to look at the bucket, or use the bucket because they have tried to fix the bucket before but without success. They find that the bucket wants to stay broken and useless. The very thing the bucket was designed for, to be a service to others, is totally out of the question. The bucket realizes this, the bucket never wanted this, but the bucket does not know what to do.
When our silver bucket of pain faces decision, it will most always close its' lid and go back to what it knows. That is when the blaming, self-absorption, and anger is added to the facade of the silver bucket. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy because the bucket now believes it is not responsible for its' own condition. It is easy now to lay blame on others, both personal relationships and family relationships, or, the bucket may focus its' blame on systems such as schools, governments, jobs, or careers. The bucket has closed its' lid and locked the pain inside itself, put a new front on, and renames itself victim. It is trapped now into being who it is because of the actions or non-actions of others and/or systems. It makes sense to the bucket because it no longer feels anything but anger.
This is an opportune time for the bucket to open itself once again, to deal with its' pain, lay aside the blaming routine and change its' image from victim to victor. The way it does that is to make a decision, "I am not, will not, cannot, and shall not be a dented, broken, useless bucket any longer". It is also an opportune time to find the path, journey, walk, method, and principle to be the bucket our creator designed us to be. It takes letting go, yes, but it takes more than that. It takes a determination, motivation, and a faith in our maker that will give us the strength, self-will, and courage to go outside our self to re-frame all the dents and brokenness. Re-framing will require putting our journey into perspective and realizing that we are a silver bucket, dents, broken handle and all, but we are indeed a thing of beauty designed for service and self-less living and good will. It will require feeling our pain, processing our pain, but not closing the lid onour pain. It will require translucence and clarity about who we are and what our purpose is. That will require a constant polishing.
Shine, bucket, shine!
Let's both read this again. I just stumbled across this. Wow Luv ya
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