Let Me Tell You One Thing

May 15 2018 The one thing that most people never realizes until it happens to them is that after your husband dies suddenly, it takes awhile to catch up with it all, if you ever do catch up. For instance, my husband, Clyde, whom I married at 15 as a virgin, by the way, he was a virgin also, and the years we had together, 55 married, and two years dating, (since he was 16 and I was 13 when we met, died on November 7, 2016 in my presence and suddenly.  He fell back to the floor and was dead even though a medical team worked with him for 30 minutes or more. All of that takes quite a toll on someone's' psyche, and to compensate, the brain starts feeding itself some nulling drug so you can actually function through the funeral and the coming months.  The drug more than likely is something that is placed there for trauma victims and those survivors of those who face sudden death. It could even be why: Philippians 4:7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understan

What kind of dance may it be, The one that only brings agony. A twist, a turn, a one, two, three. The pillow that looms close to my head, The one that tells me he is dead. A twist, a turn, a one, two, three. The pillow that lifts my knees high, The one that gives no warmth to my thigh. A twist, a turn, a one, two, three. The pillow that embraces my neck, The one that says my life is a wreck. A twist, a turn, a one, two, three. The pillow that lays close to my side, The one that pretends to be Clyde. A twist, a turn, a one, two, three. Dancing with my pillows, In a waltz of sorrow, Now and forever will feel hollow.

There has never been another piece of my furniture that calls my name; however, my bed has called out my name many times on certain occasions. For instance, when I am very tired, when I am very sick, or when I am very sleepy. I can't imagine my dining table, sofa, dishwasher or any other objects, appliances, decorations or any inanimate mass calling my name, but it seems that beds do call their owners. I began to think about how personal my bed is.   It holds me, comforts me, relaxes me, and wraps me in undisturbed sleep, rest, and tranquility.  Out of all the pieces of things I have, my bed is by far the most giving. I was having a conversation about my bed calling me recently with two other people, and I was talking with them when they also said, "I hear my bed calling my name."   I had a visual of our beds in our homes calling out to us and saying our individual names.  They were a chorus with voices raised high calling through the universe trying to reach us.

There is never a place so low as the one where you know you can not be any lower.  You know it is absolutely the lowest you can ever be and you also know that if you cannot find a way to pull up from the low place you will be in utter despair. This is the place I have found myself since my husband's death.  The absolute reality of never seeing him again this side of heaven has been devastating.  No matter the reason of your low place, there are some things we can actually anchor ourselves upon during times of sorrow and grief, frustrations or disappointments, tragedies or crisis. Recently, there was a movie, War Room, that depicted the a woman who faced all of life's battles in the war room.  It was a place of prayer.  While many women have found that to be a refuge for them, others cannot seem to find that intimate place with God in their heart.  They serve Him but they feel distant and it is difficult to establish a habitual prayer life. Here are a few additional pie

12/31/2017   Paula Day Johns Heaven Walks Away When night falls and the night sounds reach my ears, I listen with all my might anticipating a sound I fear. It is a sound that plucks the strings of my heart, A melody that is dark and foreboding about those that depart. Heaven walks away into the night song, All things bright are absorbed by the dirge. All that is left is the hole; Heaven walks away and I am left alone to purge.

Yesterday, December 23, 2017 I was in Cracker Barrel doing what I thought I would never be doing, having lunch alone in Cracker Barrel.   There was a table near me seated with about three people.   The waitress was clearly trying to connect with the customers at that table.   There was a woman who would laugh so loud and so inappropriately that all heads would turn.   Really?   Either she was mentally ill or else she was trying too hard to have a good time.   I rather believe it was the latter reason.   Just because it is Christmas, don’t interrupt people just to show that you can laugh and have Christmas whether anyone else wants to celebrate it with you or not.   Just laugh softly, connect with your waitress, you don’t have to show her that you are the comedian of the year.   Surely, you have more intimate friends that you can do those things with; o r not, there are a lot of sad people in this world that are very lonely. That is one perspective of what I saw.   Another is, pe

Vs3. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself where she may lay her young-even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. Vs4. Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they will still be praising You. Selah. Vs5. Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. Vs6. As they pass through the Valley of Baca.   They make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. Even the birds try to find the altar of God to lay their young.   The holy presence, even wildlife evidently can sense it.   Those who seek the Lord as the one thing pressing on their agenda, those will still be praising.   Still praising, after what?   I would imagine, those who seek the Lord will still be praising Him after the storm because they praised Him through the storm.   On the other hand, those who do not praise in the storm are quite battered after the storm passes over.   They are beaten, defeated, disillusioned, and disguste

Psalm 84 Devotions in Psalms October 8, 2015 How lovely is your tabernacle, O Lord of hosts!   (Psalm 27:4 one thing I have desired of the Lord that I will seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple.) Vs2. My soul longs, yes even faints for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. (Psalm 42:1, 2 As the deer pants for the water brooks so pants my soul for You, O God.) One of the things that I think about is how dependent we are upon our desires to motivate us to do anything.   We cannot accomplish anything without a desire to do so.   When I read how this writer is penning how strong his desire is to be with the Lord, to behold His beauty and to want to be in the house of the Lord, and the related reference of the soul panting after the Lord, I think, now how does my desire line up with this passage? I begin by asking for a desire such as this da